Dad; a guy with superpowers (and sense of humor)

     I remember getting a postcard from my dad when I was four. He talked about how he's doing, about the weather in Dubai, about how I should not place my piece of art on the walls. He asked me to eat more, so I can go to school with my big brother. He told me to behave as my mum had so many things to be done (besides watching me 24/7). He promised he will buy toys when he got home. And he always did. 

      I remember when I was a kid, I got teased a lot by my big brother. Well, who doesn't ? He broke most of my toys. He took my candy. He made me cry for hours. He gotta do what a big brother gotta do. Then, both my dad and I had this secret handshake where I ought to get help whenever I need it. Well it seems convenient at the beginning, but as I got my little siblings it became a huge problem of mine. I never got the chance to tease them without having to face my dad HAHAHAHAHA I hate those little brats.

       I remember playing hide and seek with him. With a little help from my mum of course. She would put me in the washing machine, and I'll stay there quietly. There was also an old refrigerator where I used to hide. Sometimes, she even hide both my big brother and I into the same place. Can you imagine 2 kids having to squeeze in ? So don't ask me why I never actually enjoy playing hide and seek with my friends. Apparently, it was a whole lot a better game with my family. 

       I remember when I was in kindergarden I had this diary which I wrote everything on it. It started off plain, but as time passes by I came to write about this guy in my class. And I kept it safe for years, or so I thought. But my dad happened to find it and made a hell lot of copies. He made fun of my 'maturity' (which is ok I laughed my ass off too LOL). But one thing is, my dad is a well-planned type of man. Once, I woke up and realized the house is full with the copies of my diary. There's about ten copies in the living room, a few in kitchen and one in toilet. Not to mention, how he blackmailed me to do the house chores HAHAHAHAHAHA it was totally embarrassing I feel like commiting suicide already.

     This may be one boring post for everyone, but as I'm writing my childhood memories came like a flood to me. And I would like to keep this forever. 

Now this is how it feels like

  Truth to be told, I'm afraid this post might appear a little bit too cheesy, but never mind everything about love is cheesy anyway. Have you ever been in love ? Have you ever been truly and completely in love ? Like, have you ever been in this position of mine ? Well, because I can't really find the right word to describe what I'm feeling right now and I'm not sure if I'm the only one. Cheesy kannnn I know I'm sorry I can't help it *cries internally*

Long story short, I've became numb. 

It's weird, I know please don't panic I'm a weirdo anyway.

  It's like for one second, I am so happy. Hari-Raya-Birthday-Deepavali-Chinese-New-Year-all-in-one kind of happiness, you see ? Searching for a person who understand you the most is a lot of hardwork ok ? Like, who would still love you when you pick your nose, when you suddenly have this urge to dance randomly in public ? Who would you still love no matter how weird he can get, no matter how silly the daily conversations are ? Who would you still love regardless conditions and the differences ? 


  And as for another, I'm truly grateful. I really am. Finally you met a person who creates a spark in you. The one who sees potentials instead of flaws. I'm not saying that he should only see the bright side of me. It feels good too, to have someone to guide you, to overcome the flaws themselves. Of course, you feel as if you have known him for quite a time and you know you don't want to let this person out of your life. 

  I don't know how things work 10 years from now, how you'll find other girls by then and what I ought to become, but right at this moment, I'd be more than happy to cherish your presence. I'd love to appreciate what we have now. I'd like to include your name in each and every prayer. It's gonna be hard, I know. It's gonna be one hell long journey and constant battle of us, against the obstacles. Not us against each other LOL although it's fun to quarrel sometimes, please keep this in mind. And I pray you will be given strength to deal with this annoying douche on daily basis. 

I'm sorry I couldn't put this in one word but may it's still you and me in the end.

Here's something I need to pour out

  I met you one day, we're a complete stranger before we started off as friends. Of course it wasn't love at first sight, I looked at you the same way I look at everyone else. Nothing extraordinary. The moment I realized everything, I already caught myself smiling whenever I heard your name. Or when I began to love mine whenever you said it. Or whenever my phone rings and it feels weird if it wasn't from you. Or when I went to the store and all I think about was your favorite things. Or when you were at your lowest point and I think of nothing but to run to you just so you will feel better. 

  Wait, why do everytime people made an attempt to describe love suddenly it just sounds so beautiful ? You know the truth is not. Love isn't all about all those beautifully unexplainable feelings, it doesn't always give you butterflies. You wanna know what falling in love feels like, I’ll let you know. It’s about your heart being ripped out off your chest. It’s about the pain buried inside like it was meant to stay there forever. It’s about crying your heart out hoping the pain will eventually goes away but it never did and it never will. It’s like drowning just others don’t see it. It’s about the ache that has been there for so long that you start wondering whether the wounds stop hurting or it’s you the one who get used to the pain till it hurts no more.

  People do not have the ability to appreciate things at the time they have it, people do not have the ability to love people who truly cares for them  they always ended up pushing them away. People are so weak that they only have the ability to survive in regrets at the time they lost everything. And I do not wish to be one of the people you took for granted I refrain myself from showing that I care. I do not wish to do all the chasing because I know if I did, I’ll lose the one I wouldn’t risk for anything else in the world.

  That one time when I gave you my attention, that was when I show that I care. Or when I couldn’t stop myself from constantly talk about you to my friends. Or when  I pray for nothing but happiness for you. Or when I share my food with you. That, is simply the highest level of showing that I really care. You may not notice. You may misinterpret my fear as ego or arrogance I would never blame you for that.

  Feeling isn't something that grow overnight. But maybe it took me too long to realize my own. Goodbye for now, goodbye for good. I hope you’ll do great in life because you are indeed a great man. No matter what path you’re taking, what decisions you have to make or who ever you might fall for next, you don’t have to look back to make sure if there’s anyone is there to give you full support because you know there’s at least one person who always does, always will. 

A letter for future daughter

Dear future daughter,

  I am nineteen the day I'm writing this letter for you. You might be older or younger than I am now but it doesn't really matter.  It’s pretty weird for me because right now I'm having a hard time imagining myself as a mom. I’m not really sure what mom is supposed to look like but I'm sure that there are some non-negotiable elements of motherhood, if you will. Things like letting go of my selfishness, thinking of you first, and being there when you need me.   

  Again, I don’t know what motherhood really looks like, but I know what I’d like it to be. I want to be the mom you can turn to when you need a shoulder to cry on or someone to encourage. I want to be your biggest cheerleader and your most valued role model. I want to be by your side when  engaged, and the one you look to for help when you have your own baby. 

  In life, you don't always get what you want and things may not go as you originally planned, but I want you to know that it is not a necessary to have it all figured out now. That's just how it is. At this age, everything seems like the end of the world but trust me years from now, you will be laughing at yourself wondering why you worried that much. Don't forget to enjoy your present and remember that I will always, always have your back.

  My dearest, when the time comes, you will meet someone. He seems ordinary at the beginning but as time goes by, you will soon figure out that he was just, different. You begin to love every little things about him. The way he walks with his hands in his pocket, the sparkles in his eyes as he smiles and the way he's living his passion in football, video games etc.

 You will indeed grow strong feelings for him, you'll find yourself dancing in the room and imagining things you wanna do with him (which you're afraid to admit but that's okay).Then come this one day, you caught yourself asking "Is he the one?" I'm not saying that he is, nor I will say that he isn't. Because dear, neither I have the answer.

  

  Daughter, I won’t be perfect. I’ll break some of these promises sometimes. I might even lose my temper and yell. But I’ll make sure you know that no matter what, every minute of every day, I love you more than anything in the world, but right now I’m a mess, and I probably always will be. I’m still learning and trying to be the kind of woman you’ll be proud to have for a mom one day. And by the way, this is me when I was 2. Please tell me that you look exactly like your mum LOL

I love you, 

Ibu  

Mendekati redha

[ Janganlah kau bersikap lemah, dan janganlah kamu bersedih hati, padahal kamulah orang yang paling tinggi (darjatnya) jika kamu orang yang beriman. ]                

  Redha, berlapang dada dalam setiap perkara yang Allah berikan kepada kita. Tiada rasa terpaksa atau dipaksa bila buat apa yang Allah tetapkan dan berlapang dada dalam setiap kebaikan dan keburukan yang kita terima. 

Redha ialah apabila kita tidak lagi bertanya kenapa.

  Berbicara tentang redha, yang saya sendiri seakan masih tergagap berteka teki dengan hati. Yakinkah diri ini sudah benar-benar redha ? Bibir mudah menyebut redha, tapi hanya hati yang tahu payah. Mudah juga mendidik diri yang kadang ego kononnya aku redha. Tapi bila ujian datang lagi, terdetik di hati ya Allah kenapa aku ? 

  Bersangka baik lah dengan Allah. Menangis tak salah, sedih juga tak salah. Tapi senyum jangan dilupa, jangan pula ditinggal. 

Kemaskan langkahanmu, semoga terus istiqamah.

Diploma in Microbiology Part I

  Ever since the day I got the offer, my friends asked me to write a post regarding the course I'm pursuing but I can never really find time to write one. Now it's 5 am in the morning and since I got nothing else to do, I guess I'll start now.

  Now to answer your questions, yes I'm pursuing Diploma in Microbiology. Well, microbiology is the study of living organisms so basically I'm dealing with microorganisms on my daily basis (bacteria, virus, fungi etc). The course takes up to 6 semesters (including 4 months of industrial training) but I only finished up to semester 3 for now so I can't tell much sorry. And as for the requirement, you need to pass SPM and English subject with credits in :

1. Mathematics / Additional Mathematics
2. Chemistry 
3. Biology

    Being stupid as I am, I always thought bacteria, virus and fungi are the same thing LOL, But things get pretty interesting when I find out they are actually not. The thing that I love the most about microbiology is the fact that it requires lots of reading (and of course memorizing). And as I said reading, no you can't just depend on lecture notes. From now on, google is your bestfriend (I think this applies to all university students). Another thing is, it does not involve too much calculations. Excepts for semester 1, you will be dealing with pre calculus and as for the rest, you'll only be dealing with calculations in chemistry. Maka ketahuilah calculations in chemistry jauh lebih menyeronokkan. And of course, no physics HAHAHAHAHA I love my life.

  As for courses to pursue for degree, you do not need to worry much. For those who are interested in medic but didn't have the opportunity before, yes you are able to pursue degree in medicine. I, too plan to do so but lets see how it goes. Just a friendly reminder, pointer kena jaga ye dik. Sebaiknya 4 flat, nanti dorang hantar oversea (mak jah tak mampu T_T). Another options are degree in Biotech, Forensic, Medical Microbiology and such. As for Degree in Microbiology rasanya ada satu dekat UPM, dekat UiTM takde lagi. Dengar cerita coming soon kat Pilah juga LOL

   I'll update more on the study plan later on since I need to do it specifically so yes, it takes time, Till then, I hope this helps and take care.

Tour : Teluk Senangin

  I never see myself as an outdoor nor an indoor person. I am equally comfortable indoors & outdoors and I prefer a good mix of both. At some point of my life, I love being home. While at the other, I enjoy the beauty of nature.

  And I think there's no harm with it. Being an introvert as I already am, I prefer spending most of time in my room. It is not something to be proud of and I'm not saying that you should end up like me, no. I, too love spending time with my friends. All those crazy stuff and silly conversations. Girls just know how precious they are. 

As I said, I enjoy a little bit of both.

  Camping and jungle trekking is something I love to do with my family. It's like a simple yet perfect getaway for me. Well, why not ? Imagine those gorgeous turquoise water and nearly pristine sugar-white sand in front of you. The beauty of nature can simply capture attention, and I have no doubt on that. Just perfect, to avoid feelings.