Dad; a guy with superpowers (and sense of humor)

     I remember getting a postcard from my dad when I was four. He talked about how he's doing, about the weather in Dubai, about how I should not place my piece of art on the walls. He asked me to eat more, so I can go to school with my big brother. He told me to behave as my mum had so many things to be done (besides watching me 24/7). He promised he will buy toys when he got home. And he always did. 

      I remember when I was a kid, I got teased a lot by my big brother. Well, who doesn't ? He broke most of my toys. He took my candy. He made me cry for hours. He gotta do what a big brother gotta do. Then, both my dad and I had this secret handshake where I ought to get help whenever I need it. Well it seems convenient at the beginning, but as I got my little siblings it became a huge problem of mine. I never got the chance to tease them without having to face my dad HAHAHAHAHA I hate those little brats.

       I remember playing hide and seek with him. With a little help from my mum of course. She would put me in the washing machine, and I'll stay there quietly. There was also an old refrigerator where I used to hide. Sometimes, she even hide both my big brother and I into the same place. Can you imagine 2 kids having to squeeze in ? So don't ask me why I never actually enjoy playing hide and seek with my friends. Apparently, it was a whole lot a better game with my family. 

       I remember when I was in kindergarden I had this diary which I wrote everything on it. It started off plain, but as time passes by I came to write about this guy in my class. And I kept it safe for years, or so I thought. But my dad happened to find it and made a hell lot of copies. He made fun of my 'maturity' (which is ok I laughed my ass off too LOL). But one thing is, my dad is a well-planned type of man. Once, I woke up and realized the house is full with the copies of my diary. There's about ten copies in the living room, a few in kitchen and one in toilet. Not to mention, how he blackmailed me to do the house chores HAHAHAHAHAHA it was totally embarrassing I feel like commiting suicide already.

     This may be one boring post for everyone, but as I'm writing my childhood memories came like a flood to me. And I would like to keep this forever. 

Now this is how it feels like

  Truth to be told, I'm afraid this post might appear a little bit too cheesy, but never mind everything about love is cheesy anyway. Have you ever been in love ? Have you ever been truly and completely in love ? Like, have you ever been in this position of mine ? Well, because I can't really find the right word to describe what I'm feeling right now and I'm not sure if I'm the only one. Cheesy kannnn I know I'm sorry I can't help it *cries internally*

Long story short, I've became numb. 

It's weird, I know please don't panic I'm a weirdo anyway.

  It's like for one second, I am so happy. Hari-Raya-Birthday-Deepavali-Chinese-New-Year-all-in-one kind of happiness, you see ? Searching for a person who understand you the most is a lot of hardwork ok ? Like, who would still love you when you pick your nose, when you suddenly have this urge to dance randomly in public ? Who would you still love no matter how weird he can get, no matter how silly the daily conversations are ? Who would you still love regardless conditions and the differences ? 


  And as for another, I'm truly grateful. I really am. Finally you met a person who creates a spark in you. The one who sees potentials instead of flaws. I'm not saying that he should only see the bright side of me. It feels good too, to have someone to guide you, to overcome the flaws themselves. Of course, you feel as if you have known him for quite a time and you know you don't want to let this person out of your life. 

  I don't know how things work 10 years from now, how you'll find other girls by then and what I ought to become, but right at this moment, I'd be more than happy to cherish your presence. I'd love to appreciate what we have now. I'd like to include your name in each and every prayer. It's gonna be hard, I know. It's gonna be one hell long journey and constant battle of us, against the obstacles. Not us against each other LOL although it's fun to quarrel sometimes, please keep this in mind. And I pray you will be given strength to deal with this annoying douche on daily basis. 

I'm sorry I couldn't put this in one word but may it's still you and me in the end.

Here's something I need to pour out

  I met you one day, we're a complete stranger before we started off as friends. Of course it wasn't love at first sight, I looked at you the same way I look at everyone else. Nothing extraordinary. The moment I realized everything, I already caught myself smiling whenever I heard your name. Or when I began to love mine whenever you said it. Or whenever my phone rings and it feels weird if it wasn't from you. Or when I went to the store and all I think about was your favorite things. Or when you were at your lowest point and I think of nothing but to run to you just so you will feel better. 

  Wait, why do everytime people made an attempt to describe love suddenly it just sounds so beautiful ? You know the truth is not. Love isn't all about all those beautifully unexplainable feelings, it doesn't always give you butterflies. You wanna know what falling in love feels like, I’ll let you know. It’s about your heart being ripped out off your chest. It’s about the pain buried inside like it was meant to stay there forever. It’s about crying your heart out hoping the pain will eventually goes away but it never did and it never will. It’s like drowning just others don’t see it. It’s about the ache that has been there for so long that you start wondering whether the wounds stop hurting or it’s you the one who get used to the pain till it hurts no more.

  People do not have the ability to appreciate things at the time they have it, people do not have the ability to love people who truly cares for them  they always ended up pushing them away. People are so weak that they only have the ability to survive in regrets at the time they lost everything. And I do not wish to be one of the people you took for granted I refrain myself from showing that I care. I do not wish to do all the chasing because I know if I did, I’ll lose the one I wouldn’t risk for anything else in the world.

  That one time when I gave you my attention, that was when I show that I care. Or when I couldn’t stop myself from constantly talk about you to my friends. Or when  I pray for nothing but happiness for you. Or when I share my food with you. That, is simply the highest level of showing that I really care. You may not notice. You may misinterpret my fear as ego or arrogance I would never blame you for that.

  Feeling isn't something that grow overnight. But maybe it took me too long to realize my own. Goodbye for now, goodbye for good. I hope you’ll do great in life because you are indeed a great man. No matter what path you’re taking, what decisions you have to make or who ever you might fall for next, you don’t have to look back to make sure if there’s anyone is there to give you full support because you know there’s at least one person who always does, always will.